This is an open letter to all sentient and semi sentient parasites that infest Clanners.
Hello, parasites.
As you know, we at Omni-Tek have been doing our best to eradicate you and your... er... "people" as you are a nuisance to some of our soldiers who patrol near the Clan borders. We hope you have not been taking it personally, it's just that experience has shown that simply wiping out a species or terrorist group is always the swiftest and most efficient form of action when it comes to problem solving. However, our collective conscience has been getting the better of us lately and we wish to apologize and make amends.
Omni-Tek would like to offer you insects and worms your very own Jobe-style luxury apartments! Now, now, I know what you are all thinking; you're thinking, "But Omni-Tek has no claim to Jobe so how can they offer me, a mere parasite, a luxury apartment in the magnificent floating city of Jobe?" Well, the truth is that we can't, but we *can* offer you the next best thing!
I know that not all of you are convinced and are now thinking, "But I already have a perfectly good Clanner to live on/in and create nests on/in to raise my young! Why would I want to give up the security of knowing that these Clanners will never try to drown me and my loved ones?" While it is true that the Clanners probably provide you with a nice, warm, sticky place to live due to their strange hygiene habits that insects of your ilk tend to find appealing, but I urge you to read on, dear bloodsucker - the answer is coming!
What we would like you to do is carry your Clan hosts to the Neutral city known as "Meetmedere" while they are sleeping. Once again, you are doubting me and saying, "OMG, Nevver, our hosts are rather heavy! How on Rubi Ka can we tiny creatures carry them such a long distance?" Oh, you Doubtful Thomases! I'll have you know that I have a keen interest in natural history and my research led me to a "film" archive where I witnessed holograms of insects called "ants" carry off a large "pick-a-nick" basket right from under the noses of two ferocious mammals know as "bears." You just have to cooperate and help each other - together, there is nothing that you can not accomplish! When your hosts are sleeping, a gaggle of you (Is "gaggle" correct?) should all creep underneath a host's back and lift it up all at once (don't forget the appendages) then creep off with it like the ants with the "pick-a-nick" basket; many hands make light work. Also, one other thing that I learned from the "film" is that it helps to make a certain sound while moving the large object - be sure to say, "Deedle-deedle-deedle!" while you scamper.
"Okay, Nevver, you've convinced me that we can do this. Now, tell me about this apartment!"
That's what I want to hear! As I said before, we can not offer you apartments in the floating city of Jobe, but we can give you a similar experience. Here is how it's done:
Once you bring your Clan host to Meetmedere, you will be greeted by our team of out highly trained structural engineers and architects who will chop the head off of your host. They will then provide one Sturdy Chirop (free of charge) and remove the egg from it's feet, replacing it with your host's head. All you have to do, is jump on the head and the engineers will release the Chirop into the air where it will fly majestically high off the ground at nearly two meters! Voila! You are now in your very own floating Jobe-style apartment in the sky!
* BONUS! For the next seven days, we will provide weather proofing by breaking the removed egg over the head (Chirop egg yolk is quite durable) for FREE! A 30 credit value! *
Don't delay! Act NOW!
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