PART ONE
Part TWO of the continuing saga of a man, his pets and some su****iously sticky furniture.
Place: Tir, by the grid. The OLD grid, not the new grid.
Metaphysical Demon (visibly shaking): Deacon, I’m NOT addicted to evocation buffs. I can TOTALLY quit anytime dude. Just need…one…more.
Thedeacon: Look at you, you’re a mess! You’re walking into walls and you can’t hit anything when you fight!
Metaphysical Demon: Um, Deacon? Are you new here? I’ve always walked into walls and the last thing I hit was a leet…And that was by accident.
Thedeacon: …You got a point there.
Metaphysical Demon, clearly agitated, makes a play for Deacon’s ncu belt
Thedeacon: Woah! Holy s**t man, I spent time in prison, but the door does NOT usually swing that way unless there’s money or food involved!
Metaphysical Demon: Need…Evocation…Nano…Pink elephant…dancing..
Thedeacon (wrapping his arms around his pet): Awww, there there. It’s going to be okay, you just need the love and support of your fami—
Metaphysical Demon: EVOKE ME! EVOKE ME LONG AND HARD UNTIL I COLLAPSE IN YOUR ARMS, EXHAUSTED FROM MULTIPLE EVOKATIONS!
Thedeacon: Don’t make me take a switch to your hinder mister. What do I look like to you, a buff machine?
Metaphysical Demon: …….
Belamorte: ……
Level 175MA: Gimme mokies, b***h.
Thedeacon: Yeah sur—wait. I’m not giving you jack, buddy. I’m trying to teach my pets a lesson about not giving into the needs of others, just because they demand it. Friendship is based on love and trust not---
Level 175MA: Shutup and gimme the mokies, or I’ll rawk you in the arena with my uberness.
Thedeacon looks at Metaphysical Demon, who in turn looks at Belamorte..
Thedeacon: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Metaphysical Demon: HAHAHAHA Oh please, no more, you’re killing me!
Belamorte (rolling on the ground): HAHAHAHAHA That’s a good one!
Thedeacon: Dude, did you forget what patch this was or something? It’s 14.7.1. You’re a gimp now.
Level 175MA: Oh that’s the kettle calling the pot black, petboy. At least I can still get a team.
Belamorte: Ooooh, he has a point there, Deacon.
Thedeacon: …I could…if I wanted to. But hey wait. Aren’t you the guy that got spanked by an enforcer’s damage shield? Oh yeah, now I remember you. Then that fixer snared you and it took you fifteen minutes to run out of the arena. Don’t you remember me? I’m the guy that pulled your pants down and smacked your butt until you cried like a little girl. Loser. Go stand in the corner with the engineers and…um…Metaphysicists.
Level 175MA (lips trembling): *sniff* You guys are really mean. I—I—
*runs off crying*
Metaphysical Demon furrows his brow seriously at Deacon and Belamorte crosses his tentacles sternly
All three together: BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
Thedeacon: *guffaw* heh, that was good. But there’s still the problem of your addiction, Metaphysical Demon. We could see a good doctor, but we all know they are ninja looting, overpriced bloodsuckers….We need cashflow…Where to get cash…
Clan Shopping 100+: RandomEngie: Tipping well for mochies MC/TS. Dear God, someone help me.
Metaphysical Demon: Yes, where WILL we get cash….
Clan shopping 100+: RandomEngie: PAYING for Mocham’s gift. I hate life.
Thedeacon: Yes…money…How to make it…
Clan Shopping 100+: ALOT. Paying that is. And hating my life.
Belamorte: Um, guys?
Clan Shopping 100+: RandomEngie: Maybe you misunderstood me…PAYING. For. Mochies. Need. Metaphysicist. Someone. Kill. Me.
Belamorte: Deacon…
Thedeacon: Quiet, Belamorte! We’re trying to think here!
Belamorte: ….
Thedeacon: Eureka! I know what to do and it’s brilliant enough to work! We’ll CHARGE for our buffs!
Belamorte: ….
Thedeacon: Now to advertise a little…
Thedeacon reaches into his subspace inventory and produces a pad of paper and a Notum™ marker and begins scrawling words
Thedeacon: Belamorte, hold onto this sign and wave it in front of anyone that passes by.
Belamorte: Cute, jackass. Did you miss the part where I have NO HANDS?
Thedeacon: I miss nothing, which is why I never leave home without a handy roll of---Where the hell is my tape? Metaphysical Demon, did you sell it for an evocation nano?
Metaphysical Demon (whistles innocently): What, who me? Oh sure, blame the demon. You lose your tape, you blame the demon. You die while I’m….having relations with furniture, you blame the demon. Sticky table leg, you blame the demon. It was the inventory gnome…I swear it!
Inventory Gnome: Don’t even TRY and pin this on me, evocation junkie. I’ve been out of a job since 14.7.1 and resorted to selling my body to Enforcers. And we all know what freaks they are, with their 2 handed blunt weapons. My God, I haven’t sat down in a week! You don’t even wanna know what happens when they cast rage! Oh and Challenger. Oh God. Ow. Talk about a loosemeat sammich!
Metaphysical Demon (hands Thedeacon a roll of ICC approved Notum tape): Okay okay. I took your lousy tape, but I wasn’t going to sell it. I ran out of bikini wax for my---
Thedeacon: I got the point! ---And I must say, I’ve always wondered how you kept so baby smooth down there. Let me—
Metaphysical Demon (smacking away Thedeacon’s hand): Hey! No getting fresh unless an evocation is involved, buddy. We got work to do.
Thedeacon peels a long strip of tape, but finds the Notum strands difficult to cut
Metaphysical Demon: Here, let me cut that for you with my powerful flesh rendering claws.
Thedeacon: Yeah, you actually cut something. Oh that’s rich buddy. 10 credits says you miss the tape roll entirely.
Metaphysical Demon: That’s it, I think I’ve heard enough of your crap for one day, mister!
Thedeacon looks down to see the words “You are being attacked by Metaphysical Demon” hang in thin air.
Metaphysical Demon: It’s a dog eat dog world, and you’re wearing Milkbone underwear! Blood!
Metaphysical Demon tried to hit you, but missed!
Metaphysical Demon tried to hit you, but missed!
Metaphysical Demon tried to hit you, but missed!
Metaphysical Demon tried to hit you, but missed!
You parried the attack from Metaphysical Demon!
Metaphysical Demon: Woah! I cry foul! You know damn well you’ve never put IP into parry!
Thedeacon: Quiet down while I r0Xx0r j00r B0Xx0rs!
Attacking Metaphysical Demon
You tried to hit Metaphysical Demon, but missed!
You tried to hit Metaphysical Demon, but missed!
Metaphysical Demon tried to hit you, but missed!
You tried to hit Metaphysical Demon, but missed!
You tried to hit Metaphysical Demon, but missed!
Metaphysical Demon tried to hit you, but missed!
Metaphysical Demon hit you for 200 points of melee damage
Thedeacon: HOLY S**T! Dude, you cut me!
Metaphysical Demon: And there’s more where that came from, hookah! Time to catch a beatdown, gimpy!
Thedeacon: Pfft, you hit like a martial artist! Belamorte, heal me!
Belamorte: Yes master! Hold still while I squirt my healing juices on you!
Thedeacon: Ew. I always have to wash my hair when you do that. Sometime I’ll have to ask you what exactly it is you’re squirting on me and why it smells so bad.
Belamorte: you’re bald.
Metaphysical Demon hit you for 200 points of melee damage
Thedeacon: Good point. But hey wait, you’re not healing me! Help, damnit!
Belamorte: I’m sorry master, I am unable to do that
You tried to hit Metaphysical Demon, but missed!
Metaphysical Demon tried to hit you, but missed!
You tried to hit Metaphysical Demon, but missed!
You tried to hit Metaphysical Demon, but missed!
Metaphysical Demon tried to hit you, but missed!
Metaphysical Demon hit you for 200 points of melee damage
Metaphysical Demon hit you for 200 points of melee damage
Thedeacon: WTF? Dude, heal me!
Belamorte: I’m sorry master, I am unable to do that. Hehe.
Thedeacon (running frantically in circles, arms waving): HEEEEEEAAAAALLLL!
Belamorte (tentacles covering a snickering mouth): *giggle* I’m sorry master, I am *snicker* unable to do that. Hehe really, I can’t.
*TO BE CONTINUED*
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