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Thread: Gender

  1. #1

    Gender

    I was struck by a post earlier today. The person posts under the name of a female, but I strongly suspect this person is male. I wanted to ask directly, but I felt he would feel exposed, and she would be offended, if I were wrong.

    How many of you have names incongruent with your gender?
    "So shines a good deed in a weary world."

  2. #2
    *raises his hand*

    For various reasons, I chose to play the female character of Mirahna. I do not in any way hide the fact that I am male.
    *poof*


    Finally free from this nightmare!

  3. #3

    Cool Amusing Question

    This question keeps coming up. It goes all the way back to the dawn of IRC, back when 1200 bit/sec was a fast network connection. And I have always thought it was the funniest question in the world.

    For one thing, probably 90+% of the time, it isn't any harder for someone with any experience in the world to tell an online fake female from an online real female than it is to tell a drag queen from a woman in a bar. Men and women talk differently, and therefore type differently. If you learn to notice the former, you instantly recognize the latter.

    But mostly, I think the question is funny because I am at an absolute total loss as to why it matters. You're not going to meet almost any of these people in real life. So what do you care? I simply can not think of any reason why you would want or need to know the person on the far side of the icon's age, gender, species, sexual orientation, politics, bank balance, marital organization, or taste in ice cream.

    Actually, I know the answer to this one, I just don't know how anybody falls for something this goofy.

    Lots of teenage and college-aged guys who've never had any luck with women get on these boards/games. They see all of these wildly promiscuous, half-naked, very flirty women running around and think they've gone to Nerd Heaven. Then it occurs to them that this "special girl" they've got a crush on, that they've been pleasuring themselves thinking about, may actually have the same shape plumbing as them. They then go "ewwww" because they feel like they've been made into a "***."

    Get over it. (a) If it's too good to be true, it's probably not true. You should have learned that by now. (b) Forming deep emotional, sexual, and/or romantic attachments to someone you've never met in person is fraught with risk, and not just from this. If you don't accept those risks, don't play that game.

    Or, if you prefer, by all means, preserve your illusions. Keep telling yourself that all of the strippers who work for Silke Entertainment are real, real girls, who really do get turned on by you and your virtual money. (Yeah, right.) It's no more pathetic than going into a strip club, or hiring a prostitute, and believing a real (working) girl when she tells you that no, she's not faking interest in you, you're special, not like the rest. If you want to keep falling for total scams, by all means, don't let me stop you.

    (And I say this having worked in a strip club, as a bouncer, and watched dancers work over the customers. Trust me on this. If you met a dancer at her place of work, it's 99.99% certain that she can barely stand you, no matter what she says. If there are any real female strippers working freelance or for Silke, I guarantee that it's absolutely true on Rubi-Ka, too.)

    But I do think it's pretty funny.

    Me, I treat everybody on the boards the way their actions, talk, character name, and icon suggest to me that they want to be treated. Well, right up until they annoy me, at which point I ignore, avoid, and/or "/ignore" them. But I don't take anyone I meet in an anonymous forum emotionally seriously, don't assume I really know them, and take it for granted that none of them actually look like themselves. If you don't want me to laugh at you behind your back (and occasionally to your face), that's probably how you should handle this situation, too.

  4. #4

  5. #5
    Brad,

    I am from St. Louis as well. My question does not center around any fantasies I have. I just noticed that a person I saw posting was expressing themself in a rather masculine way, despite a female name. I didn't want to directly ask as they might not want to answer and we were arguing the same argument in a particular thread.

    No, I am no adolescent, not lookiing for ladies online. My mind just told me that the name and language were incongruent. I also think the person is British. I wanted to ask, but didn't want to offend.

    Silke entertainment- meow and YOU definitely know what I mean! Not a single female there.
    "So shines a good deed in a weary world."

  6. #6
    i always assume that EVERYONE is male, as Brad says it doesn't really matter and probably 90% of the time i'm right anyway

  7. #7

    Re: Gender

    Originally posted by hobbes
    I was struck by a post earlier today. The person posts under the name of a female, but I strongly suspect this person is male. I wanted to ask directly, but I felt he would feel exposed, and she would be offended, if I were wrong.

    How many of you have names incongruent with your gender?
    Does this all really matter? I mean, many of us post under a name of one of the characters we play in the game and most of the female characters are males in real life.

    Why do you need to know the real gender of the person? Does that make you reply differently? If it does, why?

    edit: damn typing mistakes...
    Last edited by peekaboo; Mar 11th, 2002 at 19:56:48.

  8. #8
    I want to know because I am curious. Curious about whether my perceptions are on target or not. Reading between the lines is what I do for a living.

    All I have found so far is that people are a little touchy about this. Why do you care? Huh, what does it matter?

    I think some of you would prefer me not to know, its your little secret. I don't care about that. You want to be a female character, fine. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I think, as men, that we are socially pressured to want hide any vulnerabilities. So your female character is a little bit of a secret, but not because there is something wrong with you, but rather cultural pressures.

    Nobody wants to go to work or school and be ridiculed by other males for this, because you know they would. Despite the fact that they, themselves, have their own female characters(secretly).

    So, I am not here to judge, just was trying to confirm a specific su****ion out of pure curiosity.

    This also has nothing to do with how I treat or talk to people. The person to whom I was referring has never spoken to me and vice versa. I just found it intriguing that their forum name was female and I am sure that person is male. If you find a Hobbes online- that is not me. I keep my character names different from my posting name, so my name here would logically reflect my true gender. Some of you may use the same name here as online, thus explaining the gender dissociation.

    This post is too long.
    "So shines a good deed in a weary world."

  9. #9
    dude... are you drunk? i highly doubt that any man plays a female character "in secret." i could give a flying rat's Ass if i used a female character... if i do does that make me less of a man? are you going to make fun of me now? "oh god why does a man 10000 miles away shun me for being a woman?" get real.

    like i said, i highly doubt that anyone here is scared to say that they are men and play with female characters... it's just a freakin' game... you know... "make believe." i really don't wear green armor and carry around a shotgun and have a robot follow me wherever i go... so where the hell does the gender come into play? it's all a fairy tale ya fruitcake, now shutup and play.

    i am out!

  10. #10
    Told you people were touchy.

    I like to guess nationality, age, profession, race, who is married, who probably has children, are they ugly, etc.. I enjoy the process of deduction. Gender was just the one I came up with today.

    Super,

    "You want to be a female character, fine. I don't think there is anything wrong with that."

    What does this mean to you?

    "So, I am not here to judge, just was trying to confirm a specific su****ion out of pure curiosity. "

    Or this?

    Were you responding to my thread or perhaps a different one?


    Can you not imagine highschool students making fun of a classmate for stating that he has a female character that prances around Tir in a thong. They may do the same, but they sure as hell will keep it to themselves. It is called peer pressure, that is what highschool is about. That was my example as to why some may refrain from shouting out that they play a female. Especially, if they have friends online that may know their real identity. I assume Svpernaut is the name you have on your drivers license, or do we all enjoy the privacy of annonimity?

    I feel that my posts here have been pretty civil and have clearly explained my point. Super here, is screaming awfully loud over nothing. What's up with that? I also noted that he did not specifically state whether he had a female character or not. Hmmm... maybe the problem is his, not mine.

    It would be refreshing to receive an educated response, rather than some rant that doesn't even address the point of my post. Hopefully, someone will find a word or a phrase they don't like, destroy its context and post a reponse as if it merits reading.

    I am errr out!, too. (What a bold signoff).
    "So shines a good deed in a weary world."

  11. #11
    It would be refreshing to receive an educated response,
    to receive an educated answer you must ask an educated question. to think that you are "godly" enough to know someone's gender, race, ethnicity, or what they ate for breakfast just by the way they type is ludicrous. do you know what color i am, yo? uh oh... threw you off there. i think i hear your grand master calling you back to the klan meeting boy.

    nice reference to high school by the way, what are you a sophomore now? questions like yours are the ones that come up in senseless banter at lunch tables over stale bread and moldy ham... or so i hear. last i checked they didn't ask for hall passes once we logged into the forums, so most people probably aren't high school students.

    an educated person doesn't try to assume things... WE want to know the facts, so WE ask. if you think you know that someone is male or female in AO why don't you pull the wool over your eyes a little further. you're not omni-present my friend, none of us are... so give the intellectual jargon a wave bye bye and go read between the lines somewhere else.


    oh, and by the way... because i don't capitalize and use proper sentence and paragraph structure, i must be a high school drop out................... oh dear lord how will i cope?

  12. #12
    Ten Medde
    Guest

    Good topic really.

    I am a guy; in fact I am what a lot of people would consider a testosterone-poisoned guy. I have never been wrong about anything (that's a joke by the way), I never back down from a challenge, and I do a lot of stupid stuff just to prove I can.

    Now what everyone is wondering is why the hell this matters. This matters only to give you some perspective. I play a female online. She's a really nice person who's easy to get along with. She's sensitive, and kind. She's also feminine, but not too much so. She has a tomboy streak in her, and is a lot of fun to hang around.

    Now I play this character that is almost nothing like me for a reason. I play AO for ESCAPE. I like to step out of my life for a while, and enter a game where my concerns don't matter. I am just having fun. For me part of that is playing a female character. It allows me to completely step out of myself. It's the ultimate escape. People just don't get why a guy would play a female character, so trying to explain it to them is like pounding on a wall half of the time.

    It by no means says I, or anyone, wants to be a woman, it by no means says that anyone has some deep emotional issue. It is just an escape. I personally don't care if people in my life know I play a *gasp* female online. *laugh* It's not something to be ashamed of. (Feels like I'm giving an AAA speech) It's just how some people enjoy the game.

    It also keeps a distance between me and the people I meet online. I don't like to form strong Internet relationships. They're far too complicated. I much prefer to form deep emotional relationships with people I see face to face.

    The problem as a guy who plays a female character is simple. It's all of you guys who assume you have just met your dream girl, or make online friends with me and then decide I am your dream girl. It's easy to introduce yourself online as "hello, I'm (enter character name here) I'm also really a man. It's a lot harder to do that once you realize that someone you've been friends with for a month assumes you're a woman, and has offered you their heart. It can be real uncomfortable to tell them you're a guy after something like that.

    It is a very good rule to assume that ALL players are male until you KNOW they aren't. In that time if you are an RPer and want to strike up a romance with a female character who is another role-player feel free. I've entertained a few RP romances myself.

    But please, if you are having trouble with real life relationships and want to meet miss right on AO...... Don't. There are dating services out there for that.

    Last bit of advice is if you strike up an online friendship with a female don't press him or her into an uncomfortable situation. Don't start flirting one day, don't start telling the person you have feelings for them. Don't do ANY of the things you would do with a real life female until you absolutely KNOW they are a woman! It just makes the man behind the toon VERY uncomfortable.

    -Ten Medde

    (edited because of a horrid spelling error that would of made second graders laugh)

  13. #13
    Originally posted by hobbes
    It would be refreshing to receive an educated response, rather than some rant that doesn't even address the point of my post.
    I doubt it'll happen. Asking questions out of sheer curiosity seems to annoy most people. I dunno why.

    Sort of related to this thread... there's an HBO series called Six Feet Under. One of the main characters is both a funeral director and gay. I was amused by a comment from the (straight) actor playing this character, paraphrased: "People ask me if I'm gay, but nobody asks me if I'm a funeral director." *laugh*

  14. #14
    Originally posted by hobbes
    All I have found so far is that people are a little touchy about this.
    Heh, not seen anyone being "touchy" about this issue on this thread yet. I just don't think gender should matter that much, and saying how someone has been typing very "male like" is funny to me. I really don't think one can too easily say if someone else is a man or woman in real life from *just* the way they write in the forums.

    Anyhow, you should know by now that most of the players really are male and judging by the amount of female names/avatars in the forums we all can't be real life females - but if you have nothing better to do than guess what gender people really are go ahead. *grin*

    edit: hehee, i can't escape typing mistakes

  15. #15
    I personally think that people play characters of the opposite gender because it gives them the opportunity to not only explore new avenues ("Hmm, I wonder what it's like to be a hooker?"), but more so (and maybe it's just me) for the opportunity to create a persona that sort of fits with his/her opposite-gender ideal. Kind of like creating the "perfect partner" in a more realistic setting than in your imagination, a way to breathe life into your thoughts and ideas.

    Just a thought.

  16. #16
    Ten Medde
    Guest
    Exactly Nightshade!

    It shouldn't matter in a perfect world at all what someone's online gender is. However, as we all know this isn't a perfect world.....

    Oh and I can recognize who someone is after about five minutes of typing. I've never been fooled if someone is trying to impersonate one of my friends. Guessing gender isn’t too much harder. It just depends on how much experience you've had in an online setting.

  17. #17
    I am not here to flame, My post basically boils down to the statement: I enjoy the process of deduction, and sometimes I like to test my deductions to see if I'm right, but I don't want to hurt anyones feelings".

    Are you guys really reading my posts or are just talking about things that interest you? I don't give a **** about gender, any more than country of origin, race, age, job, etc. Why do you focus on gender despite my posts? Gender was just the launch point. Do we need any more posts that say "I don't think gender is important, blah, blah, blah" ,despite the fact that deduction and not gender is the point.

    Did the fact that I said I have never spoken directly to this person register. Did the fact that I said I'm not an adolescent online trying to meet ladies, sink in at all?

    Peek, making inferences about patterns of behavior and expresssion take no time, just adds to my enjoyment of the forum and game. It has no relevance to the fact that my highest level player is 1, but I am really close to leveling.

    The reason this post was started was because I thought I would offend a specific person with my curiosity. That is why I took a more oblique approach. Seems everyone thought I was talkng about them.

    Super, do you really think your post is appropriate? I have posted when angry and regretted my repsonse, but I have always been big enough to admit it. I am not angry at you.

    Edit: Ted, your post is about a subject of interest to you. My post as stated above started from the forum and in no way involved me talking to the person in question. You post is fine, but not really the the topic of my thread.
    Last edited by hobbes; Mar 12th, 2002 at 03:11:28.
    "So shines a good deed in a weary world."

  18. #18
    Super, do you really think your post is appropriate? I have posted when angry and regretted my repsonse, but I have always been big enough to admit it. I am not angry at you.
    haha... am i angry at you? dude, if i let people in online forums get to me i'd go bonkers or need a new life one of the two... on that note, i'm not angry, i just think you're a MORON . :-p

    just teasing by the way.
    Last edited by Svpernaut; Mar 12th, 2002 at 23:21:35.

  19. #19
    I'm a grrl, but so far my experience in AO has been: "Wha..? You're a girl?!" after getting to know someone for awhile *before* I mention it, LoL ;o) And this happens to me on IRC, too. *chuckle* I'm not trying to seem like a dude... :oP I suppose I'm just kinda 'doodish', heh.

    I thought about making an Atrox character but it wasn't as much fun... I like playing female characters over male ones but don't have a problem with ppl who play characters of the opposite gender. My BF plays AO & his highest level character is a female, so go figyah. ;oP

  20. #20
    Originally posted by Svpernaut
    dude... are you drunk? i highly doubt that any man plays a female character "in secret."

    First, many men play women in secret. I've become friends with several before I ever found out they were men. There's nothing even remotely wrong with this, it's called roleplaying. You'd be surprised how many people on AO do. For proof go check out the crat forum. They've organized 5 "Bureaucon's" and are planning a 6th which is to be totally RP content.


    i could give a flying rat's Ass if i used a female character... if i do does that make me less of a man? are you going to make fun of me now? "oh god why does a man 10000 miles away shun me for being a woman?" get real.

    [/B]
    There are just too many psychological tidbits in this one to really comment on. Besides I wouldn't go there because you'd probably get even more insecure and say mean things to me ;p.


    Anyway, back onto the topic. I'm not sure why so many people make a big issue about what gender a person plays and if they keep it secret or not.
    Chris "Councilor" Sandine
    In statesmanship, get the formalities right; never mind about the moralities.
    __________________
    Bureaucrat
    bu·reau·crat Pronunciation Key (byr-krt)
    n.
    1. An official of a bureaucracy.
    2. An official who is rigidly devoted to the details of administrative procedure.

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